Friday, December 1, 2017

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Bullet journal organizer

Bullet Journal Organizater

Sometimes you just need to document moments of your life! 

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Forsaken babies

Forsaken  as a Baby

Yesterday I had a friend tell me her son got a girl pregnant.  She found out her son had ignore the soon to be mother.  She said this little girl already had the baby and I didn't know anything about it!  In dismay and dispair of her son now being a father, but then heart broken for the new mother.  She said I can't believe my son is hear--- but I can believe my son is doing to this little girl what his father did to me when I was pregnant with him! I can't believe I can't believe she nodded her head!

My father left my mother in the worst time of her and his life.  I've never known my father to be in my life.  Other than when he stole me from her and had me for close to two years.  He took me from El Paso and took me to Mexico.   Told me if I wanted to see A movie.  Then I realized on a plane he took me.. to his mother who never knew me.  He stayed two days and went away and I realized not only did I he leave me but where's my mommy?   I was love struck for my daddy when he came around.   Nothing he did was wrong in my heart til he stayed gone.  Even then he wasn't around leaving me around family here and there.  That time was tough my heart throbbed I remembered sorrow and fear.

I remember this deep pain in my chest missing my mother.   Wondering where is my father.  It was intense the weight on my chest and I was only 4 or  5 years old in a strangers home. It was hard to bare.   I think much about that time.   And as adult wonder why.  If you wanted your daughter why would you leave her here and there.  Or was it more, that an innocent child, doesn't understand like vengeance, hatred towards my mother that you felt I would be a great tool to use to torment her?  Was it selfishness children done understand.  Why would my father be like this? Was it about power-- to use your child to do your ex- wife harm? Let's be honest father it wasn't because you wanted to take care of me.  Not even two days later you abandoned me with your mother.  Through that time you can around here and there and never did you have me in your care.  You even had your girl friend have me as you left her with me. Leaving even then.  Why I wonder did you take me if you weren't going to take responsibility.  I wasn't a toy to toss here and there.  I wasn't a burden that weighed you down.  I wasn't a weapon to cause harm!    I was your daughter!   Who adored you!   Saw not faults in you.  Who loved you!  

I think back as I behold my daughter.  How could anyone do what was done to me -- do to their daughter.   I love my daughter a treasure that the Lord allowed me to behold!  A treasure that's more valuable than gold!   Do only appointed to teach me!   She was sent to inspire and lead me!   Oh how I love my daughter when I see her father kiss her!   The days she would wait on the other side of the door as her father drove up!   Desperate long her daddy's hug!   When I see my granddaughter hug her father .   To see them have what I so longed for!   A father!  

  Maybe selfishness blinds the human eye!  That you can't see the gift that's infront of you!  Maybe hatred traps compassion for other!   Maybe youth deceive you that you will always have a time to make things right!   Then your old full of regret of the mess your absents Made.   Not only did you abandon your daughter But every treasure that's was in her.

Now you yearn for your daughter who doesn't even know you!  You now declare I'm your father!   It's funny how you want a reward you never earned!   Just in case you didn't get the lesson the daughter you abandoned now doesn't need you now!   The truth is I never needed you then.  Your absents showed me  that's your presence wasn't important, your love wasn't necessary, your money wasn't worthy, your love was just dirty!   Thank you for blessing me -you taught me plenty..   The biggest lesson is be nothing like you!  

Friday, September 29, 2017

Victorious Banner quilted.

Victorious are we! 

When you don't know what to do at least try!  I have been wrestling with this banner on how to quilt it!  Some how when you start .. everything falls into place...

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Monday, July 31, 2017

Friday, July 28, 2017

EdgeRider wheels for a longarm

EdgeRider Wheels

I placed these wheels quite a while ago.
I thought making a video would be helpful.  
I searched for tutorials but was able to find any!

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Quilt I'm working on!

A quilt that I'm working on! 

This quilt has big blocks and beautiful fabric, 

This is what I'm going to place all around the big star!

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

You Owe Me

You owe me!!!!

Do you think I owe you?  It's funny how family behaves!   Especially the family members that only see their side!  Being one sided is abusive because if you can't walk with someone else's story. but yours.    You have decided that the other member is only around to be a person of servitude!  Servitude is dangerous because they are bound but the power of a master!  Masters can't see the servant.   They don't consider the labor.   They don't consider the persons feelings, they are not to be seen nor heard they are for the use of the master!   Masters only want to be heard.   Their voice is what matters.   A servant can't challenge the master.  Parents are like masters of their children.  Children are turned into servants.   The master determines the power of the servant.  As times moves on the children have the authority to be the masters of their own lives but just like the civil war when blacks had a right to be free the master, the master couldn't surrender  his slaves.   It took war for the white man to understand the slave wasn't his to own any more!  Even then he still may resent the black mans freedom.   It took years and generations of African Americans to finally lead and set themselves free.  Before the white man felt his slave owed him I took care of you.  Now the black man feels because of how the white man enslaved him, white man you now owe me!

Sometimes parents feel their children owe them.  Of course you wouldn't exist if it wasn't for me.   All these years I served you,  took care of you, now you child - you owe me!  I have children that have this selfish expectation of me.    Is freedom a bad thing?   Freedom in it self is costly.   Children thrive through the income of the parent -- they eat freely without concern -- but when adulthood comes nothing comes freely.,,  that is an adult that pays their own way.  The once child now has to pay for his own cost, but with that comes a freedom.  Of making your own choices.   The right to have your own voice.  The right to be respected because you are now your own.

Is being a servant horrible to be?  No not if that's where you want to be, marriage is a bargain of two people coming together to be servants of one another.  It is a place of compromise and surrender of your own will.   When your married your not your own -- and usually when people in a marriage are one sided for to long a time the other party decide to set themselves free #divorce because being a servant only is slavery with a husband master.

No relationship can be one sided--if it is  then it's not a relationship.   If your standing on your own -  paying your own debt.   Feeding your own face -- your voice should be heard.  Your opinion shouldi be respected.  Your decisions are yours for your good or for your harm they are your decisions.   That's what adulthood is -- or emancipation from other who feel they have a right to control you.

If your  family guilts you.  Then your not free.  If they bully you when you speak your voice.  Your not free.  If you do things to please others only and don't want too.  Your not free.  If you feel obligated to do and dishonor your own opinion - voice- feelings- wants -  desires-  then your not free.

It's funny how we say there's no more slavery,  but I see it daily.   When people in my life complain in their hearts saying "She owes me."   Wanting me to do what they expect not allowing me to really be free as they complain about me because I will not let them own me!

I will not be slave for anybody.   Even if it offends many I have a right to be free!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Why me?

I have cancer," stated the doctor.

Who would you be if you found out you have cancer?  Would it change you for the worse or for the better? 

Would you be happy with the life you have lived?  Are you settled with the decision  you made?

Would you be angry at God?  Or would you consider why?   Why me? 

Sometimes suffering is really a moment to awaken  something bigger than our ownselves.   Maybe it's not about the sick one but about others rising up and becoming better people.  Maybe it's for the husband that needs to learn to service his wife and  even appreciate everything's she has done for him!  Maybe it's for the children to not be selfish and think more about others.  Maybe it's to really look at your world and Grab what really is important.   Sometimes suffering takes you to a place you would of never considered!

Why would you need cancer to bring you to this moment of awakening? Sometimes we spend to much time sleeping though our days and not enjoying the precious moments that are before us!  Bitter, angry, complaining of how unhappy we are-  blaming other for why we are where we are!   Remember life is too too short.
To focus on regret... the past.. on failures.. you have to decide to enjoy today.  To do the work it takes to get there.  

Don't let cancer be what wakes you up to be a better version of yourself!  If you ever hear you have cancer can you say, "I'm okay... I have loved hard-  played hard-- enjoy moments hard-   My life is full today and I'm happy today of who I am.   I'm proud of my life and can leave in peace.  I have sought God hard.   I have Love the God that knows me and I'm not afraid of what tomorrow will bring!  My children know I love them.   Not because I said it but because I showed it in my behavior!

My friend heard these words pierce her soul.  Now I consider myself... what would I feel or think? 

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Back fabric with center seam

Making sure the back center seam is center to the top fabric!  How I keep the back seam center as I roll the quilt! 

Friday, February 10, 2017

Why Do We suffer???


Is suffering a horrible thing?  Sometimes we focus on our suffering and walk with it as if it  was the most harmful impact in our lives.  I sit thoughtful of the things I have suffered and realize as an adult how much those moments of suffering has been a great benefit for me. 

 Suffering was a preparer of my future and a restructure that was necessary for my growth.  It really has been a blessing to suffer as a child.  It was for my good. 

As I work with metal jewelry the pounding of the metal reshapes the silver.  The heat that you allow the metal to tolerate created the ability to stretch the metal making it more flexible.  The metal can be turned into something magnificent.  Something that may of  never been if it was only left to its own condition.  Suffering can be the power that makes you into someone that may of never been.  Don't despise it.  Don't fight against it.  Don't break because of it.  Its an opportunity to become something beyond who you are.  If you endure it.  If you appreciate that its for your good. 

I know how could suffering be good?  How could someone growing up without a father be good.  How could losing a child be good?  How could illness be good?   How could suffering be for my gain? 

I suffered as a child not having a father and seeing my mother suffer.  Her suffering was a blessing for me, as I suffered with her.  I saw strength, determination, devotion, and someone who thrived in the worst circumstance ever. Her suffering that she walked through with her children in hand showed us that you have no excuse to be a failure.  You have no excuse not to thrive.  I your mother have thrived among the worst desert storms and I'm showing you that you can too.  If this didn't destroy me, your mother, Nothing can destroy you. 

 I was a child of controversy.   Still an adult of Controversy decide to thrive no matter what the condition of my life is.  I see children like me and I have something to say to the me in them.  I know your sorrow, I know you sadness that's unspoken, I know your questions of why would God allow this for you and me.  I know why and God has created in you a strength to teach other, reach other, have compassion for others, teach others, that have suffered like you.   All hell broke loss when I was born-- All hell breaks loss because I breath.  As I walk in this world the enemy knows that he can't have me or break me. 

 My suffering has become work hardened.  Metal when you beat it becomes work hardened.  This mean after the beating of the metal persists the metal becomes impacted and as the beater hits the metal the metal resist and become the hinder of the beater.    After you hit the metal the metal isn't changed anymore but the person hitting the metal starts to feel the flash back and the hands become sore and tired, because the metal is work hardened.  The metal has become the beater of the hitter and the beatings become useless.  The metal is in control of the change not the beater. 

 If the world is beating you and your metal.   You will become strong because of the beating.  You will become like iron nothing can bend you but fire. The comments can't keep you down, the judgment can't contain you, the hatred can't manipulate you, and the pressure doesn't affect you.  As a matter of fact it makes you thrive on purpose.  It makes you stronger. immovable and not pliable.

I see President Trump he is work hardened nothing you say will move him.  He knows pressure and people throwing tantrums isn't going to move him.  Cry Babies yelling will not change his mind.  He is work hardened.  As a matter of fact it will strengthen him to be greater.  That's why in him it doesn't matter.  The decisions he make will be his.  He will do the best for circumstance not because of popularity. 

Because I'm work harden my decisions are based on myself.  Not by external pressure.  No manipulation will make me do what others want.  I have been in the fire and been in the beatings and the suffering has made me.  Powerful, tough, intolerant, patient, motivated, and stronger.  My suffering has made me someone who thrives especially with the beatings this world can give.    

Suffering is doing a good work in you. It will soften you to become something beautiful and reshape you.  It will also work harden you.  Make you someone who stands despite the environment.  Only fire and beatings will transform you.  God knows how to work the two. To created in you...

In Gen 3 the bible says that God Form Adam from the ground.  Then breathed in him and he became a living being. 

The ground is our environment, upbringing, our suffering in this world.  God allows the world to form us from the ground.  From being to end.  But the best part is When he breaths in Us.  We become a living being.  Every forming, every suffering, is for us to become pliable to allow God to Breath into us.  Our suffering is to  allow the reshaping of who we are to become Gods children.  Please God breath in Us.  Don't you see our suffering??? God sees He is Forming.  We see suffering. 

Then he Breaths is us and we become LIVING.  Yes God uses your suffering to get You to want to become a living being.  Not just an Adam formed from the ground.  The bible says that through Adam many died.  Because of him We are cursed.  But God gave us Another Adam which is Christ Jesus Who suffered so we would become a living being.  God even allowed His own son to suffer so many could live. 

I have learned my suffering has been not just for myself but for many.  My children, my ministry, the children who I see that are me, and mothers like my mother.  Suffering has been a Blessing for me.  Because I let God breath into me.  I was tired of living like Adam and wanted a Savior. 

Needed a Savior cause I couldn't do it alone. 

My daughter said this to me, "A candle doesn't light the room unless it consumes itself." 

When she spoke these treasured words to me --it spoke to the depths of my heart.  Suffering which creates death to yourself is also what gives light to other.  

Give honor to Suffering.   

Monday, January 9, 2017

Large blocks

Hourglass Block 

18x18 is the finished block 

These blocks were done with a layer cake 10x10 square batik fabric!